Dias De Los Muertos

Yesterday was my first official day of medical school. I boarded the express bus promptly at 7:07 a.m. and made my way toward campus, loaded down with my supplies for anatomy lab: a pair of scrubs, spare socks, an undershirt and an old pair of tennis shoes. I also brought an extra pair of boxers (all of this was recommended by a 2nd year student), but that turned out to be overkill. In order to explain the reason behind all the extra clothing, I would like to quote the brilliantly talented Hugo Weaving in his role as Agent Smith: "It's the smell!"

I was warned beforehand that the smell of the embalming solution (formalin/formaldehyde) was overpowering at best. I've never really had an issue with strong odors, so I figured that it wouldn't really bother me. As it turns out, the 2nd year students weren't exaggerating. Though "overpowering" is certainly an appropriate adjective, I personally like to think that "kangaroo kicking you in the face asphyxiating" would perhaps better portray the relentless olfactory assault.

But in all seriousness, the smell really did make the entire experience very rough. The actual smell is very difficult to describe. It has that distinct "chemical" smell, and while it isn't a particularly offensive odor per se, it is super potent. I actually felt light headed for the first few minutes. And even with all of the precautions I took with extra clothes (that we leave in the anatomy lab changing room), the smell still stuck with me after I left: simply running my hands through my hair in the shower brought it back. The weird part was, even after the smell was physically gone (I took a very thorough shower), it seemed to stick with me psychologically. Every time that I even thought about the lab, particularly when I vividly pictured the cadaver, I could distinctly smell the formalin. In fact, it came back most strongly (virtually as potent as if I were actually in the room) while I was watching a video demonstration of the dissection for the following day. Clearly the smell had a profound effect on me.

In fact, the entire experience affected me more than I had anticipated. Going into the lab, I didn't think I would have any difficulty looking at/working on the cadaver. Though I had only (briefly) seen a cadaver once before, I really didn't feel like I would be emotionally moved by the experience--at least, not significantly so. However, as 123 students simultaneously uncovered 32 cadavers--and literally jumped immediately into the dissection procedure--I found myself much more taken aback than I had expected.  Now, don't get me wrong. It wasn't as if I passed out, threw up, or became immobilized with fear--in fact, I didn't even miss a beat, and jumped right in to help flip over our cadaver. Nevertheless, as I stood there, in the middle of a room filled with bodies of all shapes, sizes, genders and ages, I did feel...something. Something both unpleasant and unnerving.

So, from the very beginning, our first lab was tough. And it only got worse from there. The procedure focused on the back, which was a fairly simple dissection (in the sense that you couldn't mess anything up too badly), but VERY time consuming, especially since we were all beginners. Our first task was to remove the skin. In preparation for the lab, our instructor had told us that this should take about 8-10 minutes. So we went ahead and got started, timidly started making our initial incisions. Two...and...a...half....HOURS later, the skin had been removed. And it wasn't just our group that found the task so difficult. Though our group was probably one of the slower ones, it wasn't by much. So, here we found ourselves, fifty minutes PAST the time our lab was supposed to get out, finally getting to the actual meat of the dissection. Literally. The rest of the lab (identifying, dissecting and reflecting various muscles of the back) took almost another two hours. By the end, I was absolutely EXHAUSTED. My back hurt. My feet hurt. My brain hurt. I smelled terrible. I wanted nothing more than to go home and shower. The fact that it was hot outside made it even worse. All in all, the whole experience left me wondering how I was going to do this for 11 weeks. I had enjoyed the lecture that day, and I was really getting into the material, but I was left so drained after lab that I was a little discouraged.

This too shall pass...

And so it did. Today, my second day of medical school, was absolutely fantastic. Lecture was great once again. Though two hours is pretty long for a single lecture, it has flown by both days. And then came lab. Today we dissected the spinal cord out of the vertebral column. It was incredible. A seasoned surgeon pointed out to us during the procedure that we should enjoy ourselves, because this was the only time in our lives we would get to do/see this. I thought about it....he was right. What an unbelievable privilege. In less than the full two hours, we had finished the dissection--not perfectly, but sufficiently. But we were curious to see if we could do even better, if we could find some of the more elusive structures that we had missed. So we stayed. We kept working, we kept learning. We ended up finishing with not only a better looking dissection, but a better understanding of the structures themselves. It was profoundly enlightening. And incredibly fun. I left the lab feeling totally rejuvenated. THIS is what medical school is supposed to be.

And frankly, though I'm studying a lot, and will soon be studying a whole lot more (since we only had two days of class this week), it's not all that bad. In high school and college, I only studied for the sake of studying. I was always focusing on the next exam, the next class. Now I'm studying for practical reasons, learning things that I will be using for the rest of my life. It has a completely different feel. I never even liked anatomy in the past, but I'm really enjoying the material so far. And while I realize my enthusiasm and optimism is bound to fade--at least at times--in coming weeks/months/years, right now, this feels good. It feels right.